Give me deadlines, or give me death

I bloody love a deadline.

That fact often makes me quite unpopular; I remember at university in group projects I was always like ‘yeah, but do we want to put a date on that?’ to make sure we were appropriately chivvied along.

And as a Careers Consultant I am unashamedly solutions-focused, which often means I’m keen for all my clients to set themselves action plans with firm goal-dates for completing mini-milestone tasks. I don’t force them to do this, but I’m convinced it’s one of the best ways to make sure we’re always making little steps towards progress.

The same, it has to be said, is true in my writing. I’ve discovered this over several years - I write far more when I have tangible deadlines to work to. I wrote more during the final year of my undergraduate degree than I did in the three years that came after, a pattern I then repeated during my MA (going so far as to draft an entire novel in a 2 week period over Christmas). The two years after that? Barely a short story to show for myself.

I recently undertook a paid-for writing course with Curtis Brown Creative which had a similar effect - my novel is in significantly better shape than it was beforehand, and I also wrote three short stories in those six weeks. For me, that would have been worth the course cost alone, but as a bonus I found it thoroughly useful AND I met a whole community of supportive writers. And one person I hope to never speak to again for as long as I live, but isn’t there always one?

I need more writing deadlines in my life! If I don’t have them, that’s when I slip into those awful weeks of self-doubt and anxiety; self-loathing because I haven’t written anything, and blank-page paralysis when I try to. I hate it, and it’s almost always when I’ve let myself have a day… two… three… without writing a word.

So, I’m going back to short stories - I’m going back to writing competitions.

Back in 2011/2012, I entered competitions largely for the promise of prize money. I was skint, after all, and I couldn’t really think of a better way to make money.

I’m in a much better situation now, financially, which means I don’t need to be as concerned about winning something to re-invest the money into more entry fees, but instead I can use the prompts, rules and previous winner galleries to help inspire new stories and drive that creative, generative energy.

It’s exciting, and it’s cheering me up after a few weeks of feeling truly very locked down, within myself as much as within my flat.

It doesn’t mean I’m abandoning my novel - not least because there’s an opportunity I need to crack on with soon that involves submitting a 20,000 word sample of it for a chance to win some mentoring, but also because that creative energy is what I need to get on with the next edit and really make it as good as it can be.

It’s a stark reminder, if ever I needed one: writing should be FUN! I need it to be fun, to enrich my life - and I know there’s something deeply wrong with me that I need deadlines for that to be the case, but here we are.

Give me deadlines, or give me… well, anxiety, actually.