I shan’t be setting intentions for 2023.
Are we not… tired?
I know I am. Like, actually, physically tired at the moment - I think my vit D levels might be low again. Back in like, 2012 when I lived in a rotting back-to-back in Leeds I found that when I got home from work just after 5, I was too tired to cook so I’d have “a little nap” on the sofa, until about 9pm when I had only the energy to drag myself upstairs to actual bed. Then I’d wake up at 7:30 the next morning, still knackered, eyes sore, only to head back out to work and repeat the cycle.
I went to the GP about this, and he prescribed me TWENTY capsules of vitamin D, with the explicit instruction to take them all IMMEDIATELY. At the same time. One after the other, popping pills like I don’t gag every time I have to take paracetamol.
It worked, though. That blanket of exhaustion lifted more or less within a day.
Which is why I suspect my levels might be low again now. It wouldn’t be surprising, would it, experiencing a lack of vitamin D in London in January? I haven’t seen the sun for approximately eighty-four years, just drizzle and the inside of the Northern line. I’ve got it all, the sore eyes, the full-body aches when I’ve done nothing more strenuous than travel to my cushy office job and back two days a week. I’m spending all my evenings on the sofa, under a duvet, doomscrolling until bedtime.
Anyway, all of this is to say: I fully c.b.a with any of this “setting intentions” bollocks I’ve seen crawling all over my TikTok and YouTube feeds lately. And yes, being sleepy does make me cranky, how did you know?!
It’s not just in the writing space I’m seeing it, either. I got an Ashford rigid heddle loom for Christmas, which means I’m spending a lot of time zoning out of reality and into YouTube channels full of people who use terms like “the fibre arts”. And here’s the thing about people who manage to make their living in the intersection of social media and any kind of art: they are far too hippy-ish for my tastes.
Look, I’m an anti-social cowbag. Why do you think my main hobby is writing novels, one of the most solitary things you can do aside from literal Solitaire? I can’t handle WhatsApp group chats with more than three people in them, including me. When I was six, I made the horrifying discovery that unlike my imaginary friends, real children didn’t just do whatever I wanted, when I wanted. What I don’t often look for in my life is “a sense of community”, and all these YouTube fibre artists and BookTok superstars are like, really into community. And, as it happens, getting that community to come together, on Zoom (Jesus, I spend enough time on video calls at work, thanks), so they can all “set intentions” together “for 2023”.
Well, no thanks. Won’t be doing it. None of that for me, if you don’t mind.
I mean, I will have book edits to do for All Hell at some point, but that’s not an intention, that’s a professional obligation. And I would like to write another book at some point, but I’m not going to make that anything as formal as “intent”. I’m just gonna scribble stuff that feels fun, I think. Find my way back into writing by working on all the things I enjoy about it.
Oh, bugger. That’s an intention, isn’t it?